i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
