you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
