You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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