so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
