Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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