I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
