He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize