when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
