omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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