ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
