Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
