Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
