Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
