I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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