I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is classic penis vs brain.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
