your room smells of hookers.
And success
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
