fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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