NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
