So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
