I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
