i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
