even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
