Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
