You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
