Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
