U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
