can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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