I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
