i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there is puke in my bra ... again
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