Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
