so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
