apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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