I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
