i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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