So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
