i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
