'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
