How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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