If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
