Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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