So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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