He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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