About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
