do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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