Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
