i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
