making cat noises will not fix the situation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
