If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize