that's an acceptable place to lick
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
