I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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