I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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