First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Congratulations! We have a period
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