A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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