he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
