you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wear drunk well.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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