what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
