Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
