idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
