My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
