I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize