How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize