yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
