I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize