Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
And then he peed in my hair
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