Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
