im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
