It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
