nut hugger
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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