i just google imaged poop.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
