Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
