I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
