The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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