You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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