It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
